I’m pretty much going to fail a class this semester. Worse still, I don’t particularly care.
For some reason, I decided last fall, when looking for classes, that since I needed a class specifically for the units and nothing else, that I’d take whatever one of my other friends was enrolled in that seemed interesting. Turned out, it was Physiology with E.
Physiology is pretty interesting, in that it’s all about how the body works. And the lab portion is always interesting; sometimes I get to shock E, sometimes he gets to make me taste horrid things.
But I am most definitely failing this class. No matter how I study for the lecture portion, whether I take extensive notes on the chapters, whether E and I quiz each other on the info, whether or not I show up to class, I am just not performing well when it comes to regurgitating information.
This is probably the hardest class I’ve taken in my college career. It’s the first one that made me feel like I was at a university and not a community college. Odd that it’s a 100-level course, and my last semester of school.
I’m pretty resigned to failure. This subject is not my forte. I have a problem remembering scientific terms, and I most definitely need a word-bank when asked to define terms. And unlike in English, I can’t talk my way into a reason. Either it’s right or wrong, there is no gray area in this level of science.
But why don’t I care? I think it’s a bigger problem then realizing that I am no good at this subject. There is a ton of stuff that I don’t particularly care about this semester. Most of it being school.
It’s my last semester, and I don’t care about any of my classes. I have three and an internship, not a single one is holding my attention to any length.
Most of the time, I’m stressing about the future. The economy is shit but I need to find a job. A job that is preferably somewhere close to E’s job, but we’re not talking about that because it’s still to far away. I’m worried about moving, about starting a new job, about what to do with the dog if I’m in another apartment (which I most assuredly will be), how am I going to pay back my student loan, and will I get to live happily ever after.
Since I don’t have answers to anything yet, it’s much easier to bury my head in the sand and pretend that nothing is happening at all. That my entire world is going to shift in less than four months.
So I’m failing and I don’t really care. My GPA can’t really go anywhere because I’ve got so many units as it is; failing isn’t going to keep me from my degree, and I needed these units only to get my money at the beginning of the semester, they serve no functional purpose now.
I pretty much need to shake myself out of this funk. And to do so, I’m going to try to start with blogging. Oh, how I’ve missed you, blog. I’ve grown bored with the internet, sunk deep into a malaise that I don’t know how to get out of. But I need to start doing what I love, and I love writing.
So, hold me accountable. Has it been more than three days since I last posted? Call me out. Twitter me. (@unsympathetic). Poke me. Email me. Whatever it is, however you do it, make me write.
Oh, and if you’ve got a topic idea, give it to me. Usually this place is all about me, but I never know what people are interested in. A jumping off point is always appreciated.
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