Comments on: I can’t be any more obvious about what I want from this.

By: SpiritBeautifulRevolution

SpiritBeautifulRevolution — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 18:45:04 +0000

Hi Lisa – I know exactly what you mean by the waiting and anticipating, but I think that what I have learned from my male friends is that it turns them on when a woman is her own person. Wait, let me qualify that – a quality man who is strong and mature loves to see a woman doing her own thing with passion, and not being at his beck and call. The hardest thing to do is to let it be and get on with your own life, especially if you think a guy is special. I have turned down last minute dates because I felt it was disrespectful of a man to ask me to drop my other plans, and when they didn’t call me again, I realized that all he wanted was “a little something” that I wasn’t up to putting out.

After a solo hiking vacation this summer in Scotland, I decided that the approach I am taking right now is that while I would love to have a good man in my life, I am going to get out there and do things I want to do, and who knows what will happen? I may meet Mr.Right when I’m following my dreams and passions, but if I don’t, at least 5 or 10 or 30 years down the road, I won’t regret what I’ve done, because I was being true to myself and not waiting for a man to fill in the gaps of my life.

I’m not trying to sound like I know everything, because I surely don’t, but I think you need to find something in your life to be passionate about, and Mr. Right will see that in you, and he will want you for the woman you really are.

As a sidenote, you should probably read The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo, and Why Men Love Bitches. Totally different from one another, but great reads. Good luck with everything!

By: Lisa

Lisa — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 19:18:53 +0000

@auburn: i don’t think I am sincerely and emotionally ready to hear the answer. if i was, i’d manage to get it into a conversation somehow.

@suki: i’m sorry when anyone has to go through situations like this, and i’m even more sorry that your’s was a jerk. i don’t think e is lying to me–if there is another girl on the side then she would have had to have been in on the deception for the amount of time we saw each other last semester. i think the problem right now is that both of us have said in the past that we don’t do long distance relationships; after all, that was the reason i gave for the break up with my last ex. and i really need to learn how to communicate, because i really don’t know how he feels about me, other than that he gives me his time when he’s in town.

@SpiritBeautifulRevolution: i woke up to your comment this morning (rolled over, checked the email, there it was) and it’s almost word for word the advice that Mrs. Jesus gave me. And yet my inability to listen to it. but then again, i’ve never been one of those girls who thought that there were defined rolls for men and women. mostly because i don’t like to be pursued. i don’t like the anticipation, the waiting, the not knowing what is going on (oddly, the same thing i hate about this situation here). i don’t want e to pursue me so much as make part of the effort. you start to feel needy and clingy after awhile if your the only one doing any reaching, and you begin to wonder if the other person thinks you’re needy and clingy too.

By: SpiritBeautifulRevolution

SpiritBeautifulRevolution — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:05:29 +0000

I completely understand how you feel – I, too, am an impatient woman. What I have learned, however, from observing from the sidelines, is that 1) any man who really wants you will pursue you and 2) if he is right for you, he won’t mess it up. A married acquaintance of mine told me this, and from what I can see, she is right. Why put all of your energy into a “relationship” that is obviously only one sided? Men are hunters, like it or not, and if he isn’t up for the challenge of the pursuit, you are not going to make him like or respect you any more by being easy prey. But then again, I’m still single, so I could be completely wrong about this one…

By: Suki

Suki — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 17:03:37 +0000

Ummm.. I honestly don’t know how I stumbled upon your journal, but I’ve just gone thru something VERY similar and it pained me to read what you wrote b/c I know how it feels. I hate to tell you this, but you already know the answer here. Men pursue women they are seriously interested in. You have gotten yourself into a crush that is just that… it is crushing you, not him. If he isn’t making any effort it’s a good indication that you should step back and honor yourself and your time. Take back your time, power, and self respect NOW before you put yourself through anymore turmoil. I thought the guy I was so in to was a really decent guy and I believed in him and considered him to be one of my closest friends. It turns out he was lying to me the whole time and he had a girlfriend on the side that he lied to as well. Sometimes we only see what we want to see and ignore the rest. It’s a difficult thing to realize… and it hurts… but you need to take time to see what is really going on. I think you already know, which is why you are pulling away. Protect yourself… and move on to someone who will admire you the way you deserve to be admired and pursued!! I hope this helps… Good luck and be gentle with yourself!!! You deserve more and better!

By: auburn

auburn — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 23:21:48 +0000

If you’re really and sincerely emotionally ready to hear the answer, why don’t you ask him to read this? You’ve expressed well what you feel and where you are.