Saturday afternoon, I asked Danny an idle question1: do you ever think that we don’t get what we want because we want it too much?
Because of our history, Danny knew without my explaining it that I didn’t mean just about physical goods or outcomes, but emotional goals we’ve set for ourselves without realizing. He began to set out this theory of his that explains how he believes the universe works in these situations — when the want is a state of being, whether it be the want to be rich, or the want to be loved by millions.
what we want has to be a subconscious desire, a driving motivator behind what we do and say and think consciously. because we are not in complete control of what happens (ie. there are other humans involved each with their own free will), we have to forget that we’re trying to rig the system in our favor. sorta like quantum theory, how all possibilities are actually happening until you observe it from outside the box. because the universe is going to correct course, if you are aware that you are rigging the system.
Danny went on to give me a political example; I however was thinking on a more personal level, and about the way people interact.
For example, Jimmy really like Katie. Jimmy makes it really obvious that he likes Katie. He calls her, he sends her text messages and pokes her on Facebook and IM’s her in the middle of the night when he sees that she’s online. Jimmy consciously knows that he really likes Katie and wants her to like him back. However, by over thinking his actions, he in effect drives Katie away because whether or not she liked him before, she now feels that he is slightly creepy and way too involved for whatever she was ready for.
It is when Jimmy loses hope, when he drops off his interaction to her, when his like for her has dropped to the subconscious — he still likes her, but he doesn’t think about it any more because he’s sure that she doesn’t feel the same way — this is when Katie is going to come back and show that she likes him. As Danny says:
people who accidentally fall in love with each other are still looking for love, acceptance, relationships, but they’ve taken that from a conscious to subconscious level and when that happens they’re able to focus on the individuals, ignoring their fatal flaws and hyperbolizing their strengths
When what you want — or what you think you want — still dominates your conscience, everything becomes overanalyzed. Does he like me? Will he call? What is he thinking? Questions dominate, what you want seems too far out of reach and an impossible goal because the goal requires another person, with their own wants and desires, to acquiesce to yours. And everyone is selfish when it comes to what they want.
Pushing what you want to the subconscious is terribly hard. After all, it’s what you want, it’s what you think/dream/wish for. But it’s when you put it aside, focus your energy on something else, that what was once unreachable will be within your grasp.
And obviously this doesn’t work with everything. Some things to require you to work hard at it. But others are much better achieved by knowing you want it, but allowing the universe to work itself out in unknown ways. It’s like getting a present you’ve always wanted but never having to tell anyone explicitly to give it to you.
I’ve been thinking about this, and I thought up a few other interesting comparisons and such!
Great post!
The way I’ve lived my life has always been by my own hands. Regardless of what happens, nothing comes with the simplicity of sitting down. In fact for me, sitting down is an effort and I need to be constantly busy to feel any sense of “going somewhere”.
At the end of it, I subscribe to this philosophy. The universe works in mysterious ways only because we don’t have the courage to imagine what it’s like to make use of it. Everything has a purpose. Everything has a reason. Everything matters. We can either resign ourselves to the turn of the tide, hoping for the best with the faith that we have.
Or we can use the winds, ride the waves and go against the tides. There is a sea of infinite possibilities out there. We just need to be smart about making the best use of the fates that are out of our control, to point ourselves in the direction of a destiny that is our own choosing.