Unsympathetic.net

As it turns out, my self-esteem is lowest in the middle of the night.

When I can’t sleep, I talk to people in my head. People I’ve been avoiding confrontations with, people I need to mend fences with, people I haven’t talked to in a long time.

Last week, in the middle of the night, I finally emailed You¹ I hadn’t talked to him in a few months, and he hadn’t responded to any of my emails since I moved to Chico.

It was almost like drunk-calling, this email. I wrote about stuff that I wouldn’t normally bring up unless we were drunk. My low self-esteem was all over that email: “If, on the other hand, you’ve got better things, better people to fill your time with (wouldn’t surprise me either), just ignore me, and the lack of answer will be answer enough.”

That’s right. I pulled out the pity response; email me back or I’ll just assume you hate my guts.

Thankfully it worked. Sadly.

I am going to try to avoid drunken-emailing in the middle of the night from now on, but at least I get emails from You nearly every other day now.

(Is this personal enough for you, Shep?)

– “For a Pessimist, I’m Pretty Optimistic,” Riot!: Paramore