unsympathetic.net

Is it too late to wish people a Merry Christmas? I hope it is.

Not to be a spoil-sport or anything, but it seems so silly to me, the debate over what to wish people when you don’t know what they celebrate. And the anger people have by being wished the wrong thing. I mean, getting mad because someone said “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”? Did these angry people ever think that perhaps, just maybe, the person doing the wishing doesn’t celebrate Christmas? Or that they wanted to be all-inclusive, not forgetting Boxing Day, New Years, and my father’s birthday?

Um, so anyways.

For our very un-christian family, we had a very happy Christmas. I got everything I wanted, and a few things I didn’t expect. My family has finally learned that the only gift cards I want are to Barnes and Nobel, so I have a wad of cash to spend on books I don’t need. Except that I need them all.

Also, perhaps my grandma learned that maybe my siblings and I aren’t the rude ones in the family. My asshole cousins were with us for Christmas for the first time in years, and sometimes I wonder if there is any filter at all between their brains and their mouths.

The older one talked about fags and bitches at the dinner table. Seriously. And he didn’t mean cigaretts and dogs. I know I wanted to reach over and smack him, and I’m sure Dustin did too. The younger one just kept his mouth shut, preserving the illusion that he is the godsent child, here to redeem the family.

So, that was it. Dustin and I were in bed by nine, and apparently I started snoring before I even fell asleep. I’m dozing off, but can still hear the TV when he shakes me.

“Babe, you’re snoring,” he said.

Huh… wha…?” I fully wake up. “That was me? I heard the snoring, but I thought it was you.”

“No, that was you.”

I rolled over. “Well, you should have shaken me, or rolled me over.”

“What do you think I just did.”

“Oh.”

And then he turned off the TV, and we were asleep in minutes. That’s the first time I’ve ever heard myself snore. It didn’t seem so bad. I don’t know why everyone always complains.

Is it too late to wish people a Merry Christmas? I hope it is.

Not to be a spoil-sport or anything, but it seems so silly to me, the debate over what to wish people when you don’t know what they celebrate. And the anger people have by being wished the wrong thing. I mean, getting mad because someone said “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”? Did these angry people ever think that perhaps, just maybe, the person doing the wishing doesn’t celebrate Christmas? Or that they wanted to be all-inclusive, not forgetting Boxing Day, New Years, and my father’s birthday?

Um, so anyways.

For our very un-christian family, we had a very happy Christmas. I got everything I wanted, and a few things I didn’t expect. My family has finally learned that the only gift cards I want are to Barnes and Nobel, so I have a wad of cash to spend on books I don’t need. Except that I need them all.

Also, perhaps my grandma learned that maybe my siblings and I aren’t the rude ones in the family. My asshole cousins were with us for Christmas for the first time in years, and sometimes I wonder if there is any filter at all between their brains and their mouths.

The older one talked about fags and bitches at the dinner table. Seriously. And he didn’t mean cigaretts and dogs. I know I wanted to reach over and smack him, and I’m sure Dustin did too. The younger one just kept his mouth shut, preserving the illusion that he is the godsent child, here to redeem the family.

So, that was it. Dustin and I were in bed by nine, and apparently I started snoring before I even fell asleep. I’m dozing off, but can still hear the TV when he shakes me.

“Babe, you’re snoring,” he said.

Huh… wha…?” I fully wake up. “That was me? I heard the snoring, but I thought it was you.”

“No, that was you.”

I rolled over. “Well, you should have shaken me, or rolled me over.”

“What do you think I just did.”

“Oh.”

And then he turned off the TV, and we were asleep in minutes. That’s the first time I’ve ever heard myself snore. It didn’t seem so bad. I don’t know why everyone always complains.