Do you think I’m a rude person?
I don’t think I am. But my grandma does, and she had no tact when she told my mum all about it on her (my mum’s) birthday on Monday. So I’ve been asking around, surveying whether or not people think I’m rude.
Granted, people might not tell me the truth. But in general, they agree that I’m forward, but not overly rude.
Apparently the problem lies, then, with my interaction with my family. According to my grandma, all three of us–my brother, my sister, and I–are very rude. Which is strange, since I don’t think either of them are rude, and I don’t think they think I’m rude, either. But my grandma thinks it, which hurts my mum’s feelings.
I think our biting sense of humor is what makes us seem rude when we’re all together. We’re often cutting each other down, with smart remarks, and sarcastic responses. And since we’re used to it (and grew up with it) it doesn’t hurt our feelings.
However, it does bother my mum, which I don’t blame her. She’s the easiest to pick on, the least careful with her words and questions when around us. She’ll often say the same thing twice, when trying to explain it in a different way. She’ll also ask questions that were previously answered, but she wasn’t paying attention.
These offenses, in our family, are fair game to be picked on. We were taught to think before you speak, listen before you talk, and to choose your words wisely lest they get turned around on you. While each of us does this to a minor extent, having the three of us and our father together is magnifier that makes it so much more worse.
It’s unfortunate that my grandma only sees us when we’re all together, when she comes for Monday Night Dinner, as she sees us as rude, when we really aren’t, not to the extent that she thinks.
And I really wish she’d stop making my mum cry. After all, we’re only rude. I’ve got cousins that are assholes, and my grandma never tells their mothers that.
- “Dirty Little Secret,” Move Along : All-American Rejects
Perhaps you should explain to your grandmother that it’s not meaning to be rude; it is just a strange/quirky means of being affectionate. And, if she doesn’t understand that (as someone of another generation might not), ask if her if she’d rather you all act completely different and therefore NOT be yourselves? Truly, those are the two choices for her and for you and your siblings.
One side of my family is very religious, as my grandfather is a retired minister. Like you, my father and I, as well as my mother at times, are all bitingly sarcastic and a little on the brash side. We poke fun at each other, make sometimes inappropriate comments, and the list goes on. However, when we’re at my grandparents’ house, my mother’s demeanor changes entirely, and my father and I clam up and become robots, saying and doing what we know my grandparents, mainly my granfather, wants. We don’t really show ourselves, which is sad when you think about it. So, I guess you should ask your grandmother if that’s what she wants. Performers who cover up the things she won’t like. Or would she rather have reality?
You and your siblings are adults (well, I don’t know how old they are, but you are all presumably past the impressionable child years). Your parents aren’t really teaching you about the kind of people you should be anymore; you’ve already become those people.
It seems to me that your grandmother’s comments are actually what’s rude. Not to say that she is rude. (Seriously, I’m not saying that at all.) But to comment to your mother about something that upsets her, but is clearly beyond her control… what’s the point?
I like Leila’s suggestion to talk to your grandmother. Explain to her that what she sees as rude is not rude to you guys; it’s merely how you interact. If she has a problem with that, tough. Monday night dinners are held at your house. She needs to remember that when one is in Rome, one does as the Romans do. Or, at the very least, they don’t make judgement calls about the Romans.
[Sorry if that sounded bitchy. Not my intent... it's just how I see it. I'm sure your grandmother is very sweet, and not intending to be mean.]
so.. I’m rude too?? I totally thought i was the nice one.. thats not cool.. do you think thats why she invited us over for dinner cuz she wanted to talk to us about our rudeness?? thats crap man.. I’m not rude..
Kathe: Yes, you’re rude too. We’re all rude.
Erin and Leila: I’ve tried both with my Grandma, and she doesn’t seem to understand. It’s to the point that I’ll just not talk when she’s around, because I don’t know what exactly she’ll consider rude.
And I do think it was terribly rude of her to tell my mom, when there’s nothing my mom can do about it (ground us? when we’re all over 21? and the two of them don’t live at home?), and would do nothing but make my mom sad.
So, perhaps being rude runs in the family, after all, she’s just as rude as we are, but no one’s telling her that. And she raised rude children, just as my mother did. So what’s the point in bringing it up on a day that is supposed to be a celebration?
i am not rude I am nice !
[...] Also, perhaps my grandma learned that maybe my siblings and I aren’t the rude ones in the family. My asshole cousins were with us for Christmas for the first time in years, and sometimes I wonder if there is any filter at all between their brains and their mouths. [...]
Is this my nieces that i am reading. I don’t think that you are rude.
you sound like me . and your family like mine. and your mother like mine.
……..isnt it horrible ?
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