Oddly enough, doing yard work leaves me plenty of time to be at one with my thoughts.

Which, in my experience, nothing good has ever come from. So, this weekend, I was thinking about You. It was a pretty in-depth analysis of why I’m friends with him, why I would never date him (not that he’d ever want to), and just his personality in general.

Don’t lie. You’ve had days like this too. While walking the mower back and forth across the yard, though, I hit upon a profound thought that in the four years I’ve known him, had never worked it’s self across my brain.

If there’s a choice between what’s easy and what’s right, I’d place my money on You picking the easy way out, hands down.

I know this seems judgmental, but it’s not meant to be. I don’t think he’s a bad person because of it, and it’s not like I’m going to stop being his friend. It just helps in being able to predict what his possible actions will be when encountering future situations.

By looking at past actions, we can predict the future (and if I gambled, it’s where I’d put my money). For example, lets look at the current status of our friendship.

Situation: Relationship with the Cancer Victim, wherein one doesn’t have feelings for the Victim, and is verbally abused for everything from being friends with me, to wearing socks with holes. Said subject has been given ultimatums involving marriage (perhaps one of the few times when right will overcome easy), friendships, and the like. Breaking up would involve fights, mom’s siding with girlfriends, and being essentially kicked out of the house.

What to do, what to do? The easy thing to do would be to stay with the Cancer Victim, even though everyday a little bit of you would die inside, to the point where one day you could possibly agree to marriage while drunk. Why is this easy? Because it avoids fights, avoids threats of bodily harm to all parties, and keeps the status quo, even though no one is really happy.

The right thing? Break up, obviously. The breakup is the only way anyone has a remote chance of being happy in the future, and I’m including myself in there.

But, as even I know, even though easy is an unhappy option, it’s still got its draw. I know. I did, after all, date Fat Boy for two years, even though I wanted to break up with him after two months. Even if you’re unhappy, it’s a comfortable unhappy. You know what’s going to happen, and can predict the future.

Breakups are hard, even if they are necessary. Easy is just so, well, easy. And until you know what the future holds—which is always sketchy at best—easy is often the way to go. Even if it means you never get to see your best friend, or that maybe you don’t want her anymore.

Do you not want me anymore?

Sorry, self-doubt sneaking in there. Anyway. So, while I know You may choose what’s easy, he’s lucky that I’m choosing what’s right. Because it’s hard being friends with him now that I am the devil’s spawn, according to the Victim. It’s hard to not hang out with him whenever I have free time. It’s hard not to call him on a daily basis. It’s hard knowing that half the time I spill my guts to him, it’s through this blog here, and the rest of the world it going to see it too.

And it’s really super hard to not tell the whole story out of respect for a person who hates me. And even if You said I could come clean and tell everything from the beginning, in excruciating detail, I wouldn’t. Because that’s just too damn easy, and I’m really trying hard to do what’s right, so that You can do what’s easy.

—”Maintain Consciousness,” MmmHmm: Relient K

Tagged: relationships on Wednesday, June 14, 2006 · 2 Comments »